Are You A Douche?

Yup, you probably are!

Yup, you probably are!

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  • Douche of the week; 05/13-05/19/13, Filomena Tobias

    Posted on by Douchebag Comment

    Miami-Heat-Fan-Middle-Finger

    Awesome way to keep it classy Filomena, I mean it’s not like you aren’t some rich douche who’s sitting almost court side at an NBA play-off game, in seats that most real fans would die to get their hands on.  In game 2 the Heat just blew out the Bulls, it was a tough game, very physical, with more than a few technical fouls and ejections. The team you are there cheering won, and by a lot, 115-78, and you have to show your class and support your team by flipping off an opposing player huh?

    Top it off you’re a season ticket holder who goes to every single Heat home game, how can you afford this, oh yeah you’re a 3 time divorced “socialite” who’s actually been suspected in the death of at least 1 of your ex husbands. Then your own daughter goes on to say, “I have to say, she still looks really hot.” Great parenting there lady, raise your child to be a bit of a vapid twat huh?

    For being nothing more than a rich spoiled bitch, who can’t even celebrate your favorite team WINNING with grace, and showing that even the fans can be jack-asses, you madam are our Douche of the Week, go fuck yourself!

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  • Not a Douche? George Takei

    Posted on by Douchebag Comment

    George-Takei-oh-my

    Oh don’t tell me you don’t know this man. You can try, but you’d be lying between years as Mr. Sulu and more recently his public takes on gay and lesbian marriage and his random appearances on television shows, George Takei is everywhere.  From being one of the first Asian actors to be given a recurring television role, to roasting William Shatner of Comedy Central, to showing up on The Big Bang Theory, he’s just great at what he does. This though, isn’t why we are honoring him this week.

    This is… George Takei takes on Traditional Marriage Fans

    This is too.. George Takei will help you come out to your family

    Now we here at RuADouche prefer to stay away from politics and other certain subjects just because they are such a pain in the ass, this one though, we’ll go full blast into. Be who you are, and be proud of who you are. To see someone who’s made millions, and is recognized throughout the country and most of the world, be willing to take a stand against bigotry and ignorance to help someone do just that, makes your heart almost melt a bit.

    You can also see why he’s so awesome over at Buzzfeed, because they already put together such a great article on it, why try to screw it up?

    george-takei-on-marriage

    I’m a firm believer in live and let live, what you do doesn’t effect me, go for it, have fun.  If anything pop culture is a bigger danger to marriage as an institution than 2 men or 2 women getting married. You can feed all your “it takes a man and a woman to have babies,” bullshit all day long, but how that effects marriage, since married or not they still won’t be having kids, I’d love to hear. You can pick and choose which parts of the Bible you want to read when deciding this is a “sin,” if that’s your thing, but we’d like to point out that you’re an idiot, want proof, we can do that too. Here you can see rules from the same part of the Bible which you choose to ignore, can’t have it both ways.

    george-takei-set-phaser-to-fabuous

    Mr. Takei, you are just fabulous, and we here love what you are doing, and the comedic touch you bring to a subject people feel so deeply about, they hare gone as far to murder people over it. Your sexual lifestyle and preference just isn’t that important, but it’s part of you who you are, and thank you for not caring who doesn’t like it, you just keep that shit right up pal. We salute you for not being a douche!

     

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  • English, do you speak it?!

    Posted on by Douchebag Comment

    english-motherfucker-do-you-speak-it

    How simple can I make this, we all went through the same English classes in school right? Then tell me how the fuck it happens you can’t spell or speak basic English? It’s really not that hard, and you sound like an ignorant fuckwit. Do you not realize that employers look at your Facebook now before they hire you, and you wonder why you can’t get a job, could be, just maybe, because you talk like an ignorant ghetto hood rat that didn’t make it past the 2nd fucking grade. In no conceivable world is “he/she/dis/dey be” proper grammar. Yeah I can ignore a lot of the slang, it annoys me but it’s common place now, and that makes me sad. But this bullshit right here just needs to stop. “Hur,” is not a goddamn word, you will not “be getting my drank on,” nor will you “wife” anyone, as that’s not a verb!

    See it’s not complicated, you wonder why you can’t get nice things, a good paying job, people to treat you with respect, that’s because you seem to lack all basic skills to earn those things, yes EARN. You want to know why it’s a never ending cycle and your kids are going to be stuck in the same shit, because you won’t educate yourself and act like a respectable person, how the hell do you think you can teach them to be? Kids learn by example, great role model there huh. It’s bad enough you speak like this, I automatically drop 25 IQ points from you, it’s worse than any redneck hillbilly accent I’ve ever heard, but worse is you manage to SPELL that way too. How the fuck do you manage to TYPE ebonics, that shit isn’t even real words!

    So take your respeck and get fucked you douche. Don’t want to be treated like a bad stereotype, stop acting, speaking, and writing like one. If you can’t even manage it on FB, how the hell do you think you’ll get it right on a job application or a resume? Trust me, you won’t get called back, because it’s sitting in the trash, after whoever doing the hiring has had a good laugh with their friends over your dumbass.

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  • I’m sorry is NOT a magic fix it.

    Posted on by Douchebag Comment

    sorry-puss

    Be honest, you aren’t sorry for what you did, you’re sorry you got caught.  See after a while those words start to mean nothing, you can say it all day long, but since you want to keep doing the same shit, it’s very clear you aren’t sorry at all. Saying “I’m sorry,” isn’t going to fix things, show me, change, do something different, I know imagine that right? It’s not a magic wand you can wave to make things better. Oh you bumped my phone off the table ok fine, you started a fight over something you KNOW pisses me off not so much. Maybe if I didn’t hear those words from you once a week, they may mean something, but really why do you waste your breathe and my time anymore?

    I get to be the douche if I tell you to go get fucked, or I can be the dipshit who says, “Oh it’s ok,” when it’s really not. I think I’d rather just be the douche and tell you to go take a leap. Take your I’m sorry, pack it in a bag, no lube of course, and stuff it right up your ass where it belongs. I’m not going to be the douche here, that’s your place.

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  • You called for help, I came, then you went back?

    Posted on by Douchebag Comment

    947076_10151629012845729_1074725835_n

    You called me for help, and as a friend, I was more than happy to be there for you. With the given situation I considered it my duty as a man to be there and get you and your kids out of there. You’re my friend, I couldn’t let you keep yourself and those kids at risk, so what did I do, I went and helped you get out. So now what do I see, you’re going back to him, because he is “there for you,” and he bought you a big ass diamond, well good for you sweetheart. Kiss my ass while you’re at it. At this point my sympathy for you is gone, anything that happens to you is your own damn fault for being a fucking idiot.  Thanks by the way, for showing all your friends who were there for you, and helped you, that it meant nothing to you, we appreciate that. I put myself in physical danger, you put my girlfriend in physical danger to help you out. I opened my home to you and your children, even your dog, and you do this for some petty selfish reason? Go get fucked.

    I can almost forgive you going back, if it weren’t for the fact you have kids, most of which are afraid of this cock sucker, and you are doing nothing but hurting them. This is no longer about you dumbass, it’s about what is best for your kids, and that isn’t being around him, or apparently your decision making skills. He’s told your own children he’s going to kill you, and you want to take your kids back to that for some flimsy bullshit reason. Yeah we know what it is, you miss the life style, the nice things, the appearances. Funny your kids have had no problems adjusting, you have. You have kids, it’s no longer about what you want, or how much easier it is, you can’t protect them when he does finally kill you. You certainly can’t protect the oldest one, who he hates anyway, yeah great fucking parent that is.

    He’s a douche, a gigantic douche, and everyone fucking know it, but you know what, you are the one who is going back, for the 3rd time. Oh last time he didn’t get violent with you like he did this time, but you already went back once, and things got worse, what do you think is gonna happen next. So I guess what I’m getting at is, you’re a fucking douchette, stop thinking about yourself and think about those kids. One last thing, they have a word for people who can be bought with pretty and expensive things, and yeah you know which one I mean.

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  • Mothers Day

    Posted on by Douchebag Comment

    mothers day

    Well it’s Mothers Day, so it just doesn’t feel right to spend the day calling people douche bags, so that will just have to wait. Today we celebrate those mothers out there. You ladies raised us, took care of us, gave up what you wanted so we had what we wanted. Some of you raised us, even though we weren’t you own, you fed us, gave us guidance, showed us you loved us, even when we didn’t deserve it. We don’t always give our mothers the respect they deserve, we don’t give them credit for everything they do and give up for us. You may not see it now, it may take years, I know it did for me.  I know I said things to my mom I wish I could take back, I’m just glad I still have her around to remind her I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, because I didn’t, not knowing the things I know now. Kids are stupid, we’ve been there, you can admit it, it’s ok, look back and tell me you weren’t an idiot as a kid, we all were.

    On Mothers Day, I’d like to thank my mom for putting up with my bullshit, teaching me right from wrong, and the ability to understand it’s ok to screw up as long as I learn from that mistake. For keeping me safe, and making sure I never worried about things I shouldn’t have had too. For helping me with my own son, through my marriage, my divorce, the death of my first pet, my first car, my first car accident, my first speeding ticket. Teaching me to cook, to sew the buttons back on my shirts myself, how to care for myself, be independent, that even though I don’t like people, I don’t have to be mean to be honest. When my world has fallen apart, you’ve always been there, not always in the way I wanted, but always in the way I needed.

    Mom I love you, thank you for everything.

    This entry was posted in Admin Not a Douche Things We Like and tagged Bookmark the permalink

  • Please, do more to show how much of an attention whore you are.

    Posted on by Douchebag Comment

    lady gaga attention whore

    Please, beg for more attention, we weren’t all already aware your daddy didn’t love you. Everything you post, everything you say, and almost everything you do, is just about attention for you. Yes yes yes, we get it, enough now. So you went to dinner by yourself for the first time, you are almost 30 years old, that’s just fucking sad. Oh you are enjoying single life for the first time, again it’s just damn sad, if you can’t be happy alone, no guy will ever be able to do it.

    attention whore wonka

    You are easy to spot, in a black tie event, you are the one wearing the dress you are falling out of, first one to get so drunk you take off your top at any party, and you have 500 selfies on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Half the time, you aren’t that bad to look at, but after the first 250 it just got fucking old. You have 15,000 friends on Facebook, but really how many of them do you truly know, not just in passing. Ask your real friends, how much do you want to bet they won’t tell you the truth. They lie to you because your ego and self confidence are so fucking fragile that you’ll blame them for “talking shit,” no matter how true it all is.

    yachiru__the_attention_whore_by_zeki_chan51

    Notice how people don’t want to hang out with you after a while, they are tired of all your woe is me, pity me, bullshit. They can’t talk to you about their problems, because all you ever do is turn everything about you, and how bad your life is. We are selfish, self centered, and childish, grow the fuck up. You can’t keep a boyfriend huh, well no shit, everything in the world has to be about you. You can’t get a decent boyfriend, yeah cause no decent guy will put up with your shit. Look you attention whoring douche rag, give it the fuck up, take a look at yourself, and realize that we all fucking hate you.

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  • So you think you got some game huh?

    Posted on by Douchebag Comment

    Girl meets boy..boy gives her his phone number and talks all kinds of gooey over the top shit.  Girl goes out with boy a week later and calls bullshit, but he keeps spewing his pretty words, so girl tells him she doesn’t do pretty words, she bases everything off of people’s actions.

    Boy continues with the pretty words…talking relationships and commitment. Girl says she doesn’t need all that…

    Anyway…I flat out said I didn’t want a relationship and that I am too cynical and un-trusting to allow anyone that close and it would take more time and patience than he has.

    Anyway he is the one who brought up the ‘r’ word…I agreed…everything is going great until this Friday, he walks in the bar, says hi and kisses me and then ignores me and talks shit all night
     Next day I get the “can we talk” text and he didn’t even have the balls to say he wanted to end it…now that I have all THAT out of the way…
     Turns out that’s his MO. He’s done this to a few women that we have recently found out about
     Then he has a friend of his (a girl) try to make nice with them so she can tell him if they are pining away or not so he can decide if he wants to keep playing with them.

    I warned him from the get go he wasn’t going to get my heart. I told him I wasn’t going to trust him.

     I also told him that at any point if he didn’t want to be involved with me was say the word and I would walk.
     He said the word…I said we were done and there was nothing left to say…well don’t you know-his heifer-ific friend Facebook friend requests me…
     And since I am smarter than I look I already know what this is all about so I accept…I got nothing to hide
     Wellll…only on anything negative that I have posted does she have anything to say…and I want to jump through the screen and slap her! But lo and behold…I got the text this morning…
     ”Hope ur having a great day…you just popped in my head is all.”

    Really loser?

     I laughed my ass off and considered not responding, but if he comes up to me when we are out my brother is going to rip his head off and shove it up his ass

    So instead I sent –”Hi. I’m having a great day actually. When I said that there was nothing left to say I meant it. When I told you I would walk away I meant it. I don’t look back. I appreciate the hello, but again I have nothing left to say. No hard feelings and I hope you have a great day too. Best of luck in the future.”

    I was disappointed to find out I was right. But then again he’s never played ball with a Jersey girl. We’re built a little different.

    He was a shit lay too…for some supposed Romeo that shit should have been WAY better.
    So to you douche bag, go run your game somewhere else, you had the offer most men want, and awesome woman, with self esteem and intelligence, who was perfectly happy with nothing but sex and hanging out, no relationship, nothing else, and you just had to try to run your game. You can take your emotional bullshit and go get fucked you douche!
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  • Enough of your nasty ass nails

    Posted on by Douchebag Comment

    finger nails paintedpainted finger nails

    You can stop this bullshit any time now, please, pretty please, I beg of you. Nobody wants to see your nasty ass fingers and toes, much less how you decided to paint them that day.  This is only one step away from the selfie, and just screams, “PAY ATTENTION TO ME!” We’ve had enough of this, and no straight man anywhere gives one rats ass about if your nails are painted or how they are painted. We don’t, we just don’t fucking care. All we know is that most of you have disgusting looking fingers and toes, and we don’t want to see that shit, so fucking stop.

    Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, you’ve covered all these places with your crap. We had enough of planking, the duck lips, and now you add this stupid shit. You people make me want to fucking slap you. Not just because you keep doing this, but because you have no originality or creativity of your own. You follow a crowd doing stupid shit, and add more stupid shit to it. Stop being a douche and showing the world you have to much free time on your hands, no pun intended, you’re nothing but a douche bag. Stop it!

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  • You’re handicapped, that doesn’t mean you get to be an ass too.

    Posted on by Douchebag Comment

    20130508_190540 20130508_190544

    This was taken today, in the same parking lot, not one row apart. You’re handicapped, you get to park in little assigned spots up by the front.  Really, if you are too fucking stupid to know this is NOT a parking spot, then maybe you don’t need to be on the road. Are  you just blind, again you don’t need to be on the road. Maybe you’re just a giant fucking prick, in which case, I enjoying watching the cops drop a ticket on your car.  Just because you get that little blue plaque on your car, or the special little plate, does not mean you get to just make your own parking spots or be a douche bag.

    It’s bad enough that you fuckers are either going 15mph over or under the speed limit, causing a danger to everyone around you, now you pull this shit too? Let’s start with the fact that because your fat ass weighs 600lbs is NOT an excuse to get a handicap sticker. If you are too stupid to know or be able to obey the traffic laws, then maybe, just maybe you shouldn’t be behind the wheel of a 2000lb missile on wheels putting others lives at risk! I’m sorry you may be injured, or for whatever has befallen you to earn that handicap plaque, 5/10 times it’s not even you driving, but your dickhead kids borrowed your car. Learn to fucking drive and park your car, or stay the fuck home, even get someone else to drive you, stop being a douche then asking for sympathy, you’ll find none here.

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